Say It Now
by iamkellylouise
Summary: Alex doesn't believe he's good enough for Addison, no matter how much she tries to tell him otherwise. AU 3x21. OneShot.


**A/N: AU 3x21, the Addison/Mark bet doesn't exist and neither does the Addison/Alex sexy time. Read and review :D **

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><p><em>Say It Now<em>

_~x~_

"Hey" Addison said approaching Alex in the lobby.

"Hey" Alex said glancing up from his book "Everything ok?"

"Yeah I was just, I know you're busy with this test and everything but, do you want to go out and get a drink or something?" she asked quickly "I mean, I took that test once upon a time, maybe I could quiz you"

"I'm kind of sick of studying" Alex said with a slight laugh "But, a drink sounds good" he said standing up and shoving his books into his bag "Well, are you coming?" he asked with a slight smirk as she eyed him carefully, she nodded with a small smile and walked with him out of the hospital.

~x~

"No, no way, I don't believe you" Alex said with a slight laugh as he sat with Addison at one of the back tables in Joe's.

"I'm serious, I was a band geek in high school, braces, bad hair, really ugly glasses, I played the clarinet" she said sipping her drink "The only reason I wasn't the school target was because my brother was 2 years older than me, a total jock, and after he punched one guy for picking on me nobody ever really came near me again"

"That's what older brothers are for" Alex smirked "And I _really_ need to see a picture of you as a band geek, I'll believe it when I see it"

"You will never see a picture of me from high school, I burned all the photos a very long time ago"

"I'm sure you did" Alex laughed.

"So what about you?" Addison asked, leaning forward a little "What was Alex Karev like in high school?"

"A jock" Alex smirked "Wrestling, it's how I got into college, on a scholarship, so I had to do that, as well as studying, as well as working so I could start saving for med school bills, y'know, I look back on the guy I was in high school and, I haven't really changed that much, I'm still cocky, I still talk back to anyone who is really just trying to teach me, I'm still an ass, I need to grow the hell up"

"You're not an ass" Addison said softly, her hand resting on top of his forearm, her fingers stroking the skin softly "Sure you can be a bit forward sometimes but, you're not an ass, you're a good guy Alex"

"You're the only person who thinks so" Alex said with a slight laugh, sipping back some more beer.

"That isn't true" Addison said quietly "You have changed, god the Alex Karev I met when I first got here, he wouldn't go near my specialty, at all, but now, he works hard, he's amazing with the patients, I find him in the NICU when he's not even supposed to be there" she said with a slight laugh "The Alex Karev I met before, a lot of him has gone, and all the things that make him a good guy stayed"

"I should go" Alex said standing up and grabbing his bag "Thanks for the drink" he quickly moved out of the bar leaving Addison slightly stunned, within the second she was on her feet and following him.

"Alex!" she shouted as she spotted him walking through the parking lot "Alex wait!" she sped up a little and reached out to touch his arm.

"What?" he sighed turning around to face her.

"What the hell was that?" Addison exclaimed.

"Look, you don't want to be my friend ok?" Alex said firmly.

"How do you know what I want?" Addison shot back.

"I hurt people, it's what I do, I let people get close and then I screw up, you talk about me being a good guy but I'm not! I am not a good guy! And you thinking that is just, you can't think that, you can't think that because you'll hate me even more when I screw up"

"What the hell happened to you to make you push people away like this!" Addison said grabbing his wrist as he went to walk away "Alex you can talk to me" she said softly as she noticed the sadness in his eyes.

"I watched my Dad hit my Mom every day and every night since I can remember, even when she was pregnant with my brother and sister, I got put into juvie when I was 11 because I was caught stealing food, any money my Dad got went on drugs, I was fostered more times than I can count on both hands, when I was 17, I was strong enough to fight back, so when my Dad swung for my Mom I hit him right back, and I kept on hitting, I kept hitting until he gave up and left, and he never came back, and my Mom hated me for it, she hated me because for some reason, she loved him, she loved him more than she loved her kids, I've never had a relationship that's lasted longer than a couple of weeks because I am so scared that one day I'll turn into my Dad and hurt them, so I push them away, I am not a good guy, I'm scum, you really don't want to be my friend Addison, really" he said firmly, Addison reached up and cupped his face in her hands, stroking his cheeks softly, he tried to pull away when he felt a tear fall from his eye.

"You're not him" Addison said softly "You are not him"

"But I could be" Alex whispered.

"But you're not" Addison said quietly, moving her hands to his chest "What you've been through, nobody should have to go through that, but what you did to your Dad, it proves you're a good guy, you were protecting your family, your Mom and your brother and sister, you were protecting them, and I think deep down your Mom probably knows that, I like you Alex, I like you a lot, and I'm not letting you pull away from me"

"I'm sorry" Alex said quietly "But I'm not giving you a choice" he kissed her forehead softly before moving to his car, he climbed in and sped off, and this time Addison didn't follow.

~x~

**2 weeks later.**

"Did something happen with you and Karev?" Derek asked Addison as they sat quietly in the attendings lounge, Addison looked up from her lunch and stared at him.

"What? What d'you mean?" she frowned.

"It's just, usually you've got this, you yell at each other, he does something stupid, you yell at him, and he yells back, but, you just, haven't yelled at each other in a while" he shrugged.

"You think something happened between us because we're _not_ yelling at each other?" Addison asked raising her eyebrow.

"Well, yeah" Derek said with a slight laugh "Look, you don't have to tell me, but I do want us to be friends Addie, so if something happened, if he did something or, you did, you can tell me, it'll stay between us, I promise"

"I think I'm in love with him" Addison whispered, Derek stared at her with a slightly wide jaw, Addison stood to leave the room but Derek shot up from his seat and stood in front of her.

"Sit down" he said softly, Addison sighed heavily and moved to sit on the sofa, she leaned forward, her elbows on her legs, her face in her hands, Derek sat down next to her quietly.

"I've never said that out loud before" Addison said with a saddened laugh, she sat back and let out another sigh.

"How, how did this, happen?" Derek asked "I thought you hated him"

"No" Addison said with a laugh "No I didn't hate him, he used to piss me off a lot but, I never hated him, he's not the guy a lot of people know him as, he's a good guy, months ago, 5 maybe, I was having a really bad day, Mark was being, an ass, and Alex was on his service, and of course Mark being Mark he was making him get his dry cleaning and buy him coffee, and he bought him a vanilla latte, he said the coffee cart screwed up but, later that day we were up in the NICU, he was checking on Laura Grey and, we were talking, and he told me he did it on purpose, he did it because Mark was rude to me" she said with a soft smile "And then we almost kissed, but a nurse walked in and, I told him it shouldn't have happened but, the next night we were at Joe's and O'Malley's Dad had just died and, we were talking and, I just, kissed him, I kissed him and then I ran, I avoided him for a week and when he finally caught up with me he dragged me into a supply closet and told me he wasn't interested, he didn't want to be another intern sleeping with an attending or something like that" she sighed "And I was, I was upset but I was ok, but then we carried on working together and then there was the ferryboat stuff and, because of Ava we've been working together all the time and, about 2 weeks ago we went out for a drink, we were talking and laughing and, everything was great, but then it just got, we started talking about high school, he said he hasn't changed much and I proved to him that he had, I called him a good guy and, he freaked out, he pretty much ran out of the bar, I went after him and told him to stop pushing everyone away, that I wasn't going to let him push me away, he just kept talking about how he wasn't a good guy and I don't want to be his friend because he'll hurt me and, and then he left, and we've been avoiding each other ever since"

"So you've just, given up, just like that" Derek frowned "That doesn't sound like you"

"Derek, whether he feels the same way or not he's not letting himself be with me, be with anyone, what's the point in trying to push it? I'll only end up looking like an idiot"

"But you love him" Derek said softly "Addison everyone knows something's wrong, everyone, even Mark, you can't even look at each other, you have to do something"

"I got a job offer" Addison said quietly "In LA, with Naomi and Sam, she called me last week and said she's got an empty office and they want an OB, they want, me, if I go I'll leave after Burke's wedding, and I'm really struggling to find a reason to stay right now"

"Alex is your reason" Derek sighed "If you just tell him how you really feel then…."

"I'm not telling him" Addison said standing up "And if I find out you have I swear to god Derek…."

"I won't tell him you love him" Derek said quietly "But I really think you should"

"Well I'm not" Addison sighed "I have to go, I'll see you around ok?"

"Ok" Derek sighed "Bye Addie"

"Bye" Addison said quietly.

~x~

"She's thinking of leaving" Derek said simply as he stood in the open doorway of Alex's bedroom, Alex was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"What?" Alex said turning his head slightly.

"She got a job offer in LA and she's thinking of taking it, she said she doesn't have a reason to stay anymore"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Alex said looking back to the ceiling.

"Don't be an idiot Karev" Derek said with a slight groan "I don't know what's going on with you, I really don't, and it's not my business, but I know what's going on with her because she told me, today she told me, and I promised I wouldn't tell you, but I didn't promise I wouldn't tell you about LA, and I'm telling you for a reason, I still care about her a lot, she was my best friend for 15 years and I still care about her, I've made a lot of mistakes, I've hurt her, and she deserves more, she's had stuff happen in her past too, not just you, so if you care about her, don't let her go" he put the piece of paper he had in his hand on the bedside table "That's where she is" he said quietly "If she leaves she'll be gone by next week, after Burke's wedding, like I said, don't be an idiot" he stood for a second before leaving the room, Alex reached out and grabbed the piece of paper, staring at the name of her hotel and the room number, he sighed heavily and put it in his pocket, staring back up at the ceiling.

~x~

"What's with you?" Ava asked as Alex checked her vitals the next day.

"Nothing, I'm fine" Alex mumbled.

"Oh, so it has nothing to do with the fact that you and Red can't even look at each other?" she asked "Or the fact that you're completely in love with her but won't tell her because you're scared?"

"Shepherd told me she's leaving" Alex said quietly "After Yang and Burke get married she might be leaving, she got a job offer in LA, she told Shepherd that, she doesn't have a reason to stay anymore"

"So you're just gonna let her go, just like that, what the hell is wrong with you?" she said smacking him on the arm "For gods sake Alex"

"I don't know what to do" Alex sighed "I don't want her to stay and then, and then I screw up and hurt her again, I can't ask her to stay for me"

"Why not?" Ava said with a slight laugh "Alex she obviously wants you, Dr Shepherd wouldn't have told you she was leaving if she didn't"

"She probably won't even listen to me anyway" he said quietly.

"It won't hurt to try" Ava said softly "Please Alex, do the right thing"

"You are so hard to say no too" Alex grumbled.

"So you're going?" Ava beamed "Go, go, now, go get her, and come and tell me what happened tomorrow"

"I will" Alex laughed "Bye Ava"

"Bye Alex" Ava grinned.

~x~

"Hey" Alex said quietly as Addison opened the door to her hotel room.

"He..hey" she stuttered "What, what are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?"

"That doesn't matter" Alex sighed "Can I come in?"

"Ok" Addison said quietly, she let him into the room and closed the door, she turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around her own body.

"Don't go" Alex said simply "To LA, don't go"

"How did you…..Derek right?" she sighed.

"He didn't tell me anything, except that you have a job offer in LA, don't take it, stay here"

"Why?" Addison breathed "Why should I stay? You give me one good…."

"I'm in love with you" Alex said quietly "I'm in love with you, and I'm still scared, but, I love you, and I really think we can make it work, if you want to give me another chance that is"

"You're not allowed to run away" Addison said shakily "If you feel like you want to run, you need to tell me, we need to talk about it, because I'm not starting anything with you if you're going to freak and run out on me"

"I'm not going anywhere" Alex said as he stepped closer to her "I love you" he said with a small smile.

"I love you too" Addison whispered, stepping forward and crashing their lips together, her arms came around his neck as his held her body close "I'm not going anywhere either" she whispered against his lips.

"I'm sorry" Alex said quietly "I'm sorry I pushed you away, I'm sorry"

"It's ok" Addison said stroking his cheek softly "I understand, I'm a little mad at you but, I understand, I just want you to know that, I'm here, I'm here for you and, I just want you to know that, you really are a good guy"

"And I want you to know, that you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out" Alex said brushing their lips together "And I know you've had crap happen to you too, I know that, and I really hope we can make this work because, I don't want anyone to hurt you again"

"Hold me tonight" Addison said softly, Alex kicked off his shoes and slipped out of his jeans, Addison climbed into the bed, Alex spooned her body and held her close, their fingers linked, he kissed her shoulder before they slowly fell to sleep.

~x~

Addison woke slowly, feeling the warmth of Alex's body around her, she sighed contently and turned in his arms, kissing his neck a little.

"Morning" he mumbled.

"Morning" she said with a soft smile, she snuggled further into his body and breathed in, her hands slipping under his shirt and stroking his warm skin "I don't want to move" she said quietly.

"We don't have to" Alex said kissing against her hair.

"We have work" she said looking up at him.

"We could always, call in sick" he suggested "Oh my god, you've never called in sick before have you" he said with a slight laugh.

"Ye…yes I have!" Addison protested.

"When you weren't actually sick I mean" he smirked.

"Well um, I took a day off after the prom to get drunk"

"Other than that?"

"No" she said with a small smile "But, only because I care too much about my patients"

"Well…." Alex said tracing his finger down her jaw "I happen to know that you have no scheduled surgeries today, just, a lot of paperwork, which can be left for another day, come on Addie, call in sick, live a little, we don't have to move from this bed all day, we can stay right, here" he said pecking her lips.

"Fine" she laughed, she reached out and grabbed her cell from the nightstand, instantly dialing the number for the hospital, Alex watched in amusement as she faked a cough and told Patricia she wouldn't be coming in.

"Don't laugh at me" she said hitting him as she hung up.

"Not bad for a first timer" he smirked.

"I am far from a, first timer" she whispered huskily against his mouth.

"Addie" he said with a slight groan as she grinded herself against him "I need to, call, the hospital and, god" he breathed out as she brushed her hand against him.

"Call the hospital, I'm not stopping you" she grinned, she squealed when Alex rolled them over and pinned her hands above her head, they stared into each others eyes for a second before Alex lowered his lips to hers in a hungry kiss, both of them moaning slightly.

"Hurry up and call the damn hospital" Addison whispered, Alex laughed at her slightly and reached for the phone.

~x~

"Mmm, hey" Addison yawned as she woke up hours later naked and tangled together with Alex in the sheets.

"Hi" he smiled.

"Were you watching me sleep?" she smirked.

"Yes" Alex said honestly "I love watching you sleep"

"Why?" she said with a slight laugh.

"No reason" Alex shrugged "You just look, peaceful I guess, and beautiful, but then you always look beautiful" he said brushing their lips together.

"Suck up" Addison grinned against his lips "This has been perfect" she whispered.

"It has" he whispered back "Are you working after the intern tests?"

"I am" she nodded "But I don't have to be, I have some vacation time I can use, why? Do you want to do something?"

"I just thought maybe we could spend some time together, have more days like this" he said pulling her closer.

"Naked days?" Addison said with a slight laugh.

"Very naked days" he said kissing her neck.

"Ok" Addison smiled "I'd like that"

"We can lock ourselves away in this room and not move from this bed" he said brushing his fingers against her side.

"Well what about the shower?" Addison grinned, leaning into his body "And the tub"

"And the sink" Alex smirked.

"The sink?" Addison said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well you could sit on it or I could lean against it and…."

"I get the picture" Addison giggled "The sink could work"

"I think we could make use of this whole hotel room" Alex said pecking her lips "Shower?"

"Shower" Addison nodded.

~x~

"I'll see you for lunch then" Addison said quietly as she stood with Alex at the nurses station the next day, not noticing the rest of the interns, Dr Bailey, Callie and Derek all watching them.

"Sure" Alex smiled, brushing a fallen strand of hair behind her ear "I love you" he whispered, brushing their lips together lightly.

"I love you too" Addison whispered back "Go"

Alex pecked her lips before turning to walk away, smirking when he saw everyone staring at them.

"When the _hell_ did that happen?" Izzie asked with a whisper.

"Long story" Alex said with a slight laugh.

"So _that__'__s_ where you were yesterday" Derek smirked as he approached Addison with Callie and Bailey.

"I had the flu" Addison said simply.

"For one day?" Callie smirked.

"You have never taken a day off sick in your life Addison, not willingly anyway, I had to drag you home when you were working with the flu when we were residents" Derek laughed.

"Shut up" she pouted "You were the one who gave him my address"

"Ow!" Derek yelped when Bailey swatted the back of his head "What was that for!"

"For playing a part in my intern calling in sick when he damn well wasn't!"

"She's the one having sex with him" he grumbled in reply.

"Go away" Addison said swatting his arm with a glare, he grumbled as he walked away.

"So….was he good?" Callie asked.

"Torres!" Bailey exclaimed with a glare "Rounds with my interns, now" she said thrusting a chart at her.

"But I'm…."

"Now!"

"Fine" Callie groaned almost stomping away.

"Was that really necessary?" Addison smirked.

"Wanna tell me what the hell is going on?" Bailey asked firmly.

"Come with me" Addison sighed leading her into the nearest supply closet and closing the door "I love him" she said quietly "Alex, I love him, this isn't a game, this isn't, we're not messing around, I know you all noticed the tension, I know you all knew something was wrong, but now it's fixed, it's fixed and we're together and, and I love him Miranda, I don't know when it happened, or why, it just did, and it's not going to change"

"You better not let it get in the way of work like you did yesterday, you will stay professional, and I don't want to hear any details about it"

"I know" Addison said with a slight laugh.

"And if either of you hurt each other I will have to kick your asses, either of you" Bailey said with her arms folded.

"We won't" Addison said with a small smile.

"Well, alright then, get to work"

"Y'know I am an attending…." Addison started "Fine" she sighed, rolling her eyes as Bailey glared at her "I'll talk to you later Miranda" she opened the door and started to step out.

"Addison?" Bailey called out, Addison turned back to look at her "I'm happy for you" she said quietly, Addison let a smile spread across her face before she left.

~x~

Alex stepped into the elevator later that day with a chart in his hand, scanning his eyes over all of the details, not noticing Mark step in after him until the doors closed and the elevator stopped, he looked up to see Mark by the stop button.

"What the…."

"You better not be messing her around" Mark said firmly.

"I'm not" Alex sighed.

"And don't think I'm automatically going to be nice to you because you're with her, it kinda makes me hate you more because now I know, now I know for sure me and her will never happen again, but I, I'll get over it, because she is one of the most important people in my life and anyone she wants in her life, I will learn to accept, but the minute, the _minute_ you screw this up I will come after you, and I will hurt you, whether she loves you or not"

"I'm not gonna mess this up Sloan, I love her ok? I love her, and I have never said that to anyone, except for maybe my sister, I don't do love but I'll do it for her, I will not mess this up" Alex said quietly "You're just going to have to trust me, and if you really loved her, you would"

"Truce?" Mark mumbled as he held out his hand.

"Truce" Alex said shaking it, Mark nodded before he pressed the stop button again and the elevator started to move.

~x~

"So uh, me and Sloan called a truce today" Alex said quietly as he lay on an on-call room bed with Addison "I'm not saying we're friends or anything but, he said he's going to learn to accept us"

"Wow" Addison muttered "I really thought he was gonna hit you"

"Me too" Alex chuckled lightly "I'm so sorry for putting you through the past couple of weeks Addie…."

"Hey, I know, we've been through this, it's ok, you're here now" she smiled "It's ok"

"And I'm gonna really try…."

"I know" she said softly "Now shut up and try and get some sleep before we get paged"

"Ok" he chuckled "Sleep well Addie"

"You too" she smiled before resting her head against him and slowly falling to sleep.

_The End._


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